It’s the witching hour, and the darkness is suddenly broken by a pale, sickly glow as the sound of incessant tap…tap…tapping echoes through the night. Oh wait—that’s just a writer taking a late-night break and tweeting! As Halloween draws near, the social media sorcerers at Writer’s Relief have wondered: What if long-dead writers could send us tweets from the grave? Here’s what we imagine our favorite authors would reach out from the beyond to tweet about today! (face-with-tears-of-joy emoji)

17 Tweets From The Grave From Our Favorite Authors—Gasp!

Maya Angelou: There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. That, and having an alien burst out of your chest. #BothNotGood

Edgar Allan Poe: Watching my fav football team—Go #RAVENS!

Robert Frost: Thank heaven neither path took me to 2020. #Blessed

Lorraine Hansberry: Never be afraid to sit awhile and think (before tweeting!) #TuesdayThoughts

Charles Dickens: I can’t believe I’ve been #ghosted! That’s three times!

Agatha Christie: Miss Marple is going to have a much harder time catching the murderer with everyone suddenly washing their hands all the time. #NoEvidence

George Orwell: It’s even worse than I thought. They now carry Big Brother around in their pockets! #Not1984

Paul Laurence Dunbar: Nay, let them only see us while we wear the mask in the grocery store. #MyPandemicSurvivalPlan

Emily Dickinson: Because I could not stop for death, he had to call an Uber. #RidesHere

J.D. Salinger: You aren’t just phonies. You’re cellphonies!!! #MondayMood

Jacqueline Susann: Just got a #newbook idea: “Valley of the Tweets!”

Gabriel García Márquez: Love in the time of quarantine. #NoThanks!

Jane Austen: They made HOW many movies of my books!? #Clueless

James Baldwin: Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. But please wear a mask when you go out! #StaySafe

Leo Tolstoy: 50K words in a month? No problem. #20thYearOfNaMo

Louisa May Alcott: I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ghost ship. #HalloweenSpirit

Shakespeare: Definitely ready to shuffle off this mortal coil in favor of a warm down jacket. #BardsOfAFeather

With these dearly departed authors haunting your Halloween, you might be interested in something that doesn’t leave you chilled to the bone: Have some fun in the sun and check out what these literary characters are tweeting while on vacation!

Question: What would your favorite dead author say on Twitter?