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The Past Is Present in ‘The Snare’

About two-thirds of the way through The Snare, Elizabeth Spencer’s seventh novel, the protagonist, Julia Garrett, has the following exchange with her uncle, Maurice (who speaks first):

“Don’t let the past pile up, darling. It’s bad, but it’s gone and we can’t help it. Think of the wake of the boat.”

“Oh, no, that won’t work . . . it’s all around . . . around. . . .”

The line is quintessential Julia, whose every word seems matched not just to the present moment but to a personal inquiry or revelation. In this scene, she is specifically grieving the sudden death of her former lover, a wealthy (and married) Mississippi man named Martin. More broadly, though, she is articulating the root of her existential problem—the thing that, in the course of 400 pages, carries her to the brink of self-destruction—which is that Julia cannot, perhaps does not want to, escape her traumatic past. 

Spencer’s gift for characterization reaches enviable depth in The Snare. On the surface, Julia Garrett is a society girl who pursues fulfillment in the seedy underbelly of post-war New Orleans. But this overarching plotline is anchored by the protagonist’s interior turmoil, which is both nebulous and rife with conflict. We spend a lot of time in Julia’s head, reflecting on her past and watching her cobble together abusive events with survivalist instincts. Chief among her preoccupations—what prompts her routine flashbacks and uncertain streams of consciousness—are her abandonment by her father and her relationship with her great-uncle and Maurice’s father, Henri “Dev” Devigny. 

Though long dead at the start of the book, Dev is the subject of Julia’s love and revulsion, the figure who inspires her to consider herself both a vibrant, sensual “creature” and a whore. For Julia, Dev is “a constant heavy sun along the horizon of her spirit self,” both illuminating and blinding, comforting and oppressive. The implication is that Dev sexually manipulated Julia from the age of six, but Spencer never states this explicitly. Rather, she hews to the intimate third-person perspective that dominates the novel, an authorial choice that creates narrative tension and feels authentic to the way many women process sexual trauma. Julia cannot name what happened to her, so Spencer resists rendering it in categorical terms. 


Spencer, who died in December, at age 98, had a penchant for writing characters who are concerned with their pasts. Frequently, they conduct themselves within their own historical contexts, recalling family sagas and ancient grievances amid ordinary affairs—an engagement party, a Christmas pageant, a vacation in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Often, they are Southern, reflecting Spencer’s own heritage as a native Mississippian, and as a person who, like me, was born into a cultural obsession with bearing and unravelling legacies. Early in her career, critics likened her to Faulkner, though she resisted the comparison, citing her subject as the sole similarity. In 1989, she told The Paris Review, “If my material seems like his, as I say, it must be that we are both looking at the same society.”

When she left the South—for Italy and, later, Canada—her fictional landscapes shifted, too, though her interest in familial burdens and societal constraints remained constant. For some readers, it was this focus that cemented her as a next-generation Faulkner. Others saw glimmers of Henry James in her tales about Americans abroad. As I make my way through her astonishing body of work, I find myself thinking most often of her friend Alice Munro, so penetrating is her insight into female experiences of complex class structures and rigid social mores. 

And yet, despite the fact that her name often appears in grand company, and despite her prize-winning canon that includes nine novels, a memoir, and six collections of short stories, Spencer is largely overlooked in contemporary literary circles. Her best-known work is The Light in the Piazza, a novella she published in 1960 and later called her albatross. “It probably is the real thing,” she said. “But it only took me, all told, about a month to write, whereas some of my other novels—the longer ones—took years.” 

cover of The Snare by Elizabeth Spencer, a woman standing in a lush courtyard

The Snare is one such novel. It was published nearly five decades ago, but I first encountered it late last August, while entrenched in a reading cycle that seemed pulled from a graduate seminar in #MeToo-era literature. Piled with books like Susan Choi’s Trust Exercise, Jia Tolentino’s Trick Mirror, and Julia Phillips’s Disappearing Earth, my desk signaled my devotion to contemporary examinations of gender and power. In this sense, I was primed to appreciate The Snare as a significant book, one that explores female identity with nuanced precision, and one that captures the messy and prolonged impact of sexual trauma. Immediately, I was drawn to Spencer’s deep exploration of Julia Garrett’s psyche and the way she wields narrative ambiguity to convey the detachment and confusion with which many women internalize abusive events. For all the broadening of conversations around sexual violence that has occurred over the past two years—for all the brilliant books I’ve consumed that deal explicitly and painfully with the subject—I am aware that navigating the aftermath of such a trauma is confusing and, often, intensely private. As she considers the qualities that separate her from her upper-crust society and propel her toward an electric yet dangerous and ultimately violent lifestyle, Julia Garrett struggles in isolation to understand her past. It is not surprising that Dev finds his way into her tortuous musings. “What was it Dev, the old man, had said?” she thinks, at one point. “‘Passion is what you’ve either got or haven’t got. . . .’ Out of such scraps she had stuck her own truth together.”

Her trauma exists in the backdrop of her quest for self-actualization, an honest reflection of how many women move through their lives.  

In many ways, The Snare is a feminist novel, far ahead of its time in its handling of female sexuality and desire, as well as the influence of early and unwanted experiences. Among works aimed at deepening mainstream discussions about sexual exploitation, it becomes essential reading; but one cannot claim the subject as the book’s central concern. Probably, this is why I like it so much. What occurred between Dev and Julia slinks through her mind, never revealing itself as a certain memory and yet never receding completely. Her trauma exists in the backdrop of her quest for self-actualization, which strikes me as an honest reflection of how many women move through their lives.  


It is worth noting that what is so potent to the contemporary reader barely registered with the book’s initial critics. One needs only a cursory grasp of cultural history to imagine why. The Snare was first published in 1972, a year before the term “domestic violence” entered the American lexicon, and two years before Barnes v. Train attempted to tackle workplace power dynamics. Issues of child sexual abuse hardly resonated in the public consciousness and would not garner substantial legal attention until the enactment of the Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act, in 1974. Spencer’s novel incorporates these themes to varying degrees, usually with the type of subtle probing that suits the introspective Julia. Specifically, Spencer’s deliberate blurring of Julia’s past trauma elicited confusion among reviewers in an era when American’s had, at best, an inchoate appreciation for the sexual autonomy of women and girls. 

The novel received a lackluster review in the New York Times and a misogynistic one in Kirkus Reviews. (What the Times described as narrative complexity Kirkus labeled as melodrama, declaring that The Snare was not far removed from “Southern belle lettres.”) The Georgia Review picked up on the necessity of Spencer’s painstaking attention to her protagonist’s history and interiority—elements the Times alternatively described as “the novel’s most damaging flaw”—but determined that the structure was too elevated for the book’s thematic content. This, too, has a sexist ring, considering the great extent to which female desire propels the storyline. 

Spencer’s deliberate blurring of Julia’s past trauma elicited confusion among reviewers in an era when American’s had, at best, an inchoate appreciation for the sexual autonomy of women and girls. 

Among these pieces of criticism, what was largely agreed upon was the plot. In great or spare detail, each described the events of the book in a similar fashion: Julia Garrett, the adopted niece of Maurice and Isabel Devigny, a respectable New Orleans couple, is tired of her well-bred lifestyle. She seeks excitement with Jake Springland, an aspiring musician and somewhat ambivalent disciple of a religious zealot. With Jake, Julia enters a world of late-night jazz shows and drug dealers and, soon, murder. The novel begins in the 1950s and spans at least a decade, thrusting a clash of societal standards into the backdrop of Julia’s experience. (Her roommate, Edie, a girl from “some dusty little dried-up town,” is her prudish foil.) Julia is, as the book’s title suggests, resisting the snare of the stifling and polite realm in which she was raised; but she is caught nonetheless by a confluence of her own impulses.

The preeminent Spencer scholar, Peggy Prenshaw, further elucidated the central themes of The Snare in 1993, when she wrote an introduction to the book on the occasion of its paperback release. “Julia Garrett,” Prenshaw writes, “seems a misfit, a woman enlivened by sexual experience and nearly destroyed by it, a woman bored by status-seeking and acquisitiveness, whose indifference brings her to the edge of hunger and homelessness.” She goes on to explain that the novel’s setting in New Orleans mirrors Julia’s seductive power and dueling instincts. Like Julia, Prenshaw says, the city is steeped in manners and tradition, but beneath its glossy exterior it is an exotic, indulgent place.

Prenshaw also references the novel’s mixed critical reception, noting the issues reviewers had with narrative ambiguity, but she does not fully explore the resonance of this authorial choice with the book’s violent plot points. Spencer’s rendering of Julia’s darkest moments is frenetic and fragmentary, allowing certain mysteries to rest in the reader’s mind as uncomfortably as they do in Julia’s. In these scenes, the events are clear, but their details are often foggy, punctuated by an image here, a sensation there. We see, for example, the flash of a blade held to Julia’s neck and glimpse, through euphemistic language, the shame she associates with what follows. As in, “After that . . .” and “I’m just going to call it an awful headache.” For Julia, what is contained in the words that and it is unspeakable, even as it holds dominion over her identity.

Crucially, vagueness distinguishes Julia’s memories of her relationship with Dev. Speaking of her protagonist in 1990, Spencer said, “Her early experience with her guardian mentor, . . . a French Cajun man who may or may not have seduced her, had a profound effect on her.” Prenshaw interprets this effect decisively. “The indisputable fact seems to be that Julia does not regard the relationship with Dev as injurious. If corrupting, it was a necessary and inevitable introduction to the ‘crooked world.’” This statement aligns imperfectly with my own impression, because it ignores the yearning that is so critical to Julia’s idea of herself. She does not want to regard the relationship with Dev as injurious. She wants to imagine it as inevitable.


Spencer makes clear that, for Julia, it is easier to live with a terrible thing when it is remembered indistinctly. Julia’s past with Dev haunts the novel because it is essential to how she views herself, and yet she is unable to define it. Violence and sexual exploitation pervade her adult life, too, and yet she never names it as such. Rather, she absorbs it all with a pronounced detachment, as though each experience is the logical conclusion of who she is in the world. After the doctor for whom she briefly works as a receptionist chases her around the office, she thinks: “. . . life was more peaceful than not with him, now that he’d made his pass.” After Jake Springland, her musician boyfriend, rapes and beats her, she thinks: “Why didn’t I find somebody good?” and then concludes that “she hadn’t because she hadn’t wanted to.” She is kidnapped twice, thanks to her association with Jake, and subjected to torture. After the first time, she thinks: “It was something in me . . . Something that wanted to go down forever, to hit the absolute muddy bottom where there’s nothing but old beer cans, fishhooks and garbage.” After the second time, she thinks: “She would gladly live like an animal, simply, instinctively, for the day only.” 

Julia’s enthusiasm for New Orleans and its various vices—her sensual and subversive nature—is palpable and seemingly within her control. From the start she is an intelligent woman who knows her sexual power. But as we navigate the conflicting aspects of her mentality, we learn that her empowerment is marked by shame. At times, she reduces herself to her sexuality. Dressing for a courtroom gallery: “Might as well try to de-sex herself, she thought, as stamp out her natural looks.” Her early sexualization by Dev forms a critical aspect of her identity and self-worth, convincing her that she is incongruous with anything virtuous. She thinks, “The idea of goodness beckons forever to those who can’t have it, but once they catch up to it by luck or accident, they immediately feel uneasy, restless, miserable.” 

This vivid interiority is what is largely missing from any summary or critical analysis of The Snare. How Julia decodes her own experiences is a vital aspect of the novel that seems only to have puzzled reviewers in 1972 and failed to thoroughly engage scholars in the following decades. I only learned of the book because several people recommended it to me. Each had read my work and assumed I would appreciate Spencer’s meticulous characterization of Julia Garrett. But at some early point in my first reading, Julia began to resonate as more than a technical feat. We are wildly different people, and yet I identify with her tendency toward self-examination through imperfect recollections. I possess the kind of memory that blurs even the recent past. It recalls the worst things dimly and everything else with rosy nostalgia. This has the effect of making me suspicious of my negative or painful emotions. I am unskilled at relaying the detailed origins of my deepest wounds without a large amount of ambiguity. Spencer captures this deficiency, too. After Jake assaults and abandons her, Julia says, “I don’t think I was even born a virgin.” Her effort to make sense into the plainly nonsensical seems to me like an inherited impulse, something derived from generations of cultural stagnation around gender-based violence. 


Months before her death, I spoke with Elizabeth Spencer over the phone. She talked about the months she spent in New Orleans, researching the novel’s setting, and recalled her use of narrative ambiguity as the deliberate choice I had assumed it was. And yet, I absorbed from her a sense that her fixation on Julia’s past diverged from my own. “I don’t spend too much time psychoanalyzing,” she said. I felt somewhat disappointed by her answer, at first. So much of Julia’s persona appears drawn from an intellectual understanding of the functional ways in which human beings process trauma. But maybe Spencer’s more intuitive approach is what accounts for her novel’s brilliance. Perhaps her resistance to determining direct cause and effect is what allowed her to craft such a complicated and authentic character. Julia is not whittled into a particular set of psychiatric ailments, and her interior current is rich and evolving, never cyclical, never wholly diminishing. Spencer allows her protagonist a limitless quality, that of a woman constantly interpreting and reinterpreting her place in the world through her experiences. Who among us isn’t?

The post The Past Is Present in ‘The Snare’ appeared first on Electric Literature.

7 Short Story No-Nos That Smart Writers Always Ignore | Writer’s Relief

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A special Review Board just for poets! We have a few more spots open for poets, so submit your poetry today!

DEADLINE: Thursday, April 30, 2020

7 Short Story No-Nos That Smart Writers Always Ignore | Writer’s Relief

Sooner or later, every short story writer comes across a list of writing pitfalls that are considered narrative poison. Include these elements at your own peril, you’re warned. But at Writer’s Relief, we know that many of these rules are not chiseled in stone—some are actually the literary equivalent of urban legends. While we can’t help with the alligators living in NYC sewers, we can help debunk a few short story writing myths. In fact, you might want to try a few of these short story no-nos when you’re writing!

Short Story No-Nos You Can Ignore

No Adverbs!

At some point, every writer has heard some variation of “don’t use adverbs; use a stronger verb.” And it’s not necessarily bad advice. “She sprinted to the door” is a stronger phrase than “she moved quickly to the door,” and readers would much rather hear what he “shouted” than what he “said loudly.”

So when would we use adverbs? That’s simple: when they have something to add. “He smiled widely” could be replaced by “he grinned” or “he beamed,” but “he smiled mournfully” changes the context of the action entirely. When you use an adverb, it shouldn’t just modify your verb—it should modify the way your readers understand the action.

No Simple Words!

Is there a better word for what you’re trying to say? Well, maybe. Some words can tighten up your writing by conveying more information at once, but they also require more work from your reader. Your protagonist’s love interest may be pulchritudinous, but not everyone will know what you’re saying. And if readers have to jump out of your story every five minutes to consult a dictionary—you’re going to quickly lose your audience.

Using simple, plain language can be more effective. After a harrowing chase, your secret agent sits on a cliff watching the sunrise with her son. She’s experienced a lot of complicated emotions in the last twenty-four hours, and now that the danger has passed, she can finally relax. You could say she’s ecstatic or relieved or hopeful, and those would all be true. Or you could say she’s happy, which encompasses all of that and more. In cases like these, you can make use of a simple word’s non-specificity to invite your readers into the story and let them take it in the direction that makes the most sense to them.

No Irrelevant Dialogue!

Dialogue can be tricky, even for established professional writers. If you try to mimic real-life dialogue, you may find that your characters quickly get offtrack and your plot stalls. While trimming down your first draft, it may be tempting to cut all the lines that distract from the main plot of your story—but that’s not always the best idea. Idle dialogue can be a good way to explore other aspects of your story, like character and setting. Letting your detectives discuss their home lives may not help them find the murderer they’re searching for, but it might inform the audience on why this case is so personal for them. Too much irrelevant dialogue can bog down a story, but before you start deleting, try broadening your idea of what makes dialogue relevant.

No Large Casts of Characters!

Ensemble casts are often a tough sell, especially in a short story where you’re limited to 3,500 words or so. The more characters you have, the more perspectives there are for both you and your readers to keep up with. It’s easier to keep your cast as small as possible—but is it always better?

That depends. Each character has their own perspective and can offer you some flexibility in telling your story. But make sure you’re not including characters who don’t add anything important to the plot.

No False Starts!

Short story writers get lots of advice about beginnings. According to various experts, you shouldn’t start with dialogue, or with a description of nature, or in medias res (in the middle of the action), or any number of other ways. It almost makes you wonder how you ARE allowed to start your story!

Guess what? Any of these “no-no” beginnings can be done quite well. The purpose of the beginning is to introduce the primary characters and a conflict. A few snappy lines of dialogue that lead into a description of a problem your character is facing can do a lot to grab your readers’ interest and pull them into the story.

No Overused Plots!

After the Twilight series was published, a swarm of writers tried to cash in on that cultural explosion with their own vampire romance novels. The market became oversaturated quickly, and it’s become almost taboo to pitch that type of plot. So should you never try to copy what’s successful in the market?

Not exactly. Drawing inspiration from contemporary releases can be a good strategy! The trick is to include your own twist on the idea. Instead of writing the next iteration of Bella deciding between Eddie and Jake, maybe this time your protagonist leaves both of them and chooses a third option. Or maybe she doesn’t need a love interest! It’s up to you—take the original inspiration and make it uniquely your own.

No Clichés!

This writing advice is almost a cliché itself. Every writer has to produce something original, so they shouldn’t draw on this pool of overused phrases and concepts, right? Not always! “Cliché” is really just a fancy writer term for a shortcut. The readers understand what you want to say because of how the phrase has been used in the past.

Overuse of these shortcuts might make the reader feel cheated, as if the writer didn’t put much effort into developing the idea. However, clichés can be useful for filling in your background. If your character states it’s raining cats and dogs, your readers immediately know that it’s a downpour, not a drizzle. Using clichés can also give quick insights into the character using the phrase. If your hero responds to bad news with “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade,” your readers will see him as someone who always tries to make the best of a situation, rather than someone who’s easily discouraged. In a short story, sometimes it’s helpful to say more with fewer words.

It’s always a good idea to try different techniques when writing a short story. However, the warnings about these styles and devices aren’t worthless. All of the techniques we’ve mentioned here require special attention to ensure they’re being used correctly—if you’re not careful, they could make your story sound dull, hackneyed, and simplistic. But when used well, these no-no’s might lead to a literary editor accepting your short story submission with a Yes! Yes!

 

Question:Which of these no-nos do you ignore?

Plague Diary: April

7 April

I watch Jean-Luc Godard. Instagram Live.

A cigar between his fingers sometimes, and in his mouth almost always.

Around him, masks on some faces.

He talks clearly or semi-clearly, long pauses sometimes.

I imagine Godard’s camera pointed at the TV news.

Or at the pages of the newspapers.

It stares as if hypnotised.

The camera’s eye gives up and remains still forever.

As if obeying orders from the outside.

That’s enough, he would say. The news.

The daily Manu Chao session: ‘Beautiful woman’

‘Yesterday you did not have faith in God’

‘Today, luckily, is not yesterday’

Sheer luck.

Michael Gove, the Minister for the Cabinet Office.

Interview on BBC radio, about the hospitalisation of the British prime minister.

He talks about the ‘zest for life’ that Boris Johnson has, whether ‘on the tennis court’ or ‘in government’.

He’s ‘a force of nature’, he says.

He is not on a ventilator, according to the newspaper reports.

Godard’s line: it’s not blood, it’s red.

What you see on a screen is not blood, it’s a colour.

Only off the screen is blood blood.

But this plague has no blood.

One of the rare tragedies where there is no blood.

Hard to understand a tragedy without blood.

Spoiled by Quarantino, Tarantino, Quarentino:

blood that is redder than the reddest possible.

Thinking about the four elements – earth, air, water and fire.

This is a tragedy connected to the element of air.

Lungs and difficulty breathing.

When people talk about a tsunami in the hospitals, I say.

It’s not a tsunami of water, of course, but of sick bodies.

A solid tsunami.

A tsunami of bodies in a solid state with a total lack of air.

A tsunami of solids that want to breathe.

A tragedy of air.

And also, yes, also a bit of fire.

Pictures from some cities in Latin America: the burning in front of the family home of the dead who are not collected by the state.

So they do not infect.

The bodies burn at many degrees Fahrenheit, far higher than books.

Or not.

A hierarchy of the resistance of materials that is muddled up by biology.

The most important is sometimes the one that yields fastest.

At what temperature do bodies burn? I ask Google that question.

But it does not give a direct answer.

It dodges, it deflects, it changes the subject.

For example: a page appears with the title: Effects of winter on our bodies.

Even machines and algorithms have their limitations and their shame.

I don’t ask Google the question again.

I don’t want to insist.

The collar on the neck of my shepherd Roma has turned her into a domestic tank with fur.

They talk about phantom limbs in humans: what you lose but can still feel.

With animals it’s the opposite: the funnel around the head hasn’t yet entered the body.

Roma knocks into everything as if she were blind.

The news. A picture of a cathedral in New York.

Everything is the possibility of a hospital.

What is happening to spaces?

The Portuguese deputy director-general of health Catarina Sena has died, aged 47, ‘the victim of a prolonged illness’.

‘She spent her life bad-mouthing cats and in the end she was adopted by one, of whom she became an accomplice.’

‘She gave me an olive tree, she cried with me and for me, she worked with me, she helped me a lot, really a lot, a perfect companion. I miss you incalculably. I hope I was able to live up to you,’ wrote the director-general of health.

At what point in the day can we be moved?

I’m told about a father who whenever he wants to cry goes out onto the balcony of his apartment so his children don’t see.

His children think he’s going to get some air.

I read the news story.

‘Tonight there’s a good reason to go to your window and look at the sky. There’s a “pink” moon coming.’

‘The full moon will look 14 per cent bigger and 30 per cent brighter.’

Percentages get into everything, even brightness.

United Kingdom sees a daily record of deaths: 854 in the last 24 hours.

‘France. Latest balance-sheet reports that . . .’

New York, New York.

Maybe the father doesn’t know that the children also go out onto the balcony to cry so their father doesn’t see.

They say they’re going to get some air.

George Kubler once wrote: actuality ‘is when the lighthouse is dark between flashes’;

‘it is the instant between the ticks of the watch’.

Tonight fathers and children have a good reason to go to the window: pretending that the moon still matters.

I read that number again: more than ten million newly unemployed people in the United States of America.

Few times are as current and actual as this is now.

Actuality is not a light, it’s the opposite.

‘it is when the lighthouse is dark between flashes’.

 

13 April

In Brazil, Christ the Redeemer dressed as a doctor.

Photograph in the Folha de São Paulo newspaper.

Christ with overalls and a stethoscope.

We look up and we feel calmer, says an inhabitant of Rio de Janeiro.

Another says: I got scared. It means things are serious.

Christ dressed as a doctor.

A technical Christ, who studied at a school and saves with the help of machines.

‘A man broke the staying-home ban and went off after his ex-wife.’

In the north of Portugal, another man kneels on the street as Christ’s cross passes by in the hands of a priest.

In spite of it all, the importance of hands.

He’s dressed like a doctor, says somebody about the Christ the Redeemer, but his hands are the same.

Hands remain present in the twenty-first century. No machines have done away with them.

In Brazil, an artist says she has found shadows in her house that she’d never seen before.

Because she had never been home at that time.

I imagine a body that is completely technical and atheist with the exception of the hands that are believers.

Hands from outside the rest of the body, as if that were possible.

Pete Seeger with a banjo, in the sixties of the twentieth century, asking for eight hours for working, eight for play and eight for sleeping.

Thinking about the new distribution of the day: one hour for being afraid.

Or one hour for being tense.

Andrew Cuomo, governor of New York, has described the rapid spread of the virus: ‘like watching a fire going through dry grass with a strong wind’.

Atahualpa Yupanqui and a milonga to break even the strongest. ‘Milonga triste’ – the sad milonga.

The strongest are those that break most easily – as the eastern parables teach us.

It is your own strength that brings you down, etc.

In judo the stronger the thug the harder he crashes face-first onto the floor.

Sanders endorses Biden for the White House.

Yupanqui’s voice breaks the most serious of humans into four hundred pieces.

A question: do you know all the shadows in your house?

In Spain a maximum of two people can attend a funeral.

They say the virus can spread from the lungs to the brain.

The image of a relative beside the coffin, two metres away, in a mask.

And a priest in front of the coffin, also in a mask and two metres away.

The decision. Which two people will say goodbye to the dead person?

The older brother or the younger brother?

The wife or the child?

Sometimes another person approaches. One at the most.

They aren’t a relative, they want to pay tribute.

Whoever has the same fear has the same smell, whoever has the same smell has the same name, whoever has the same name has the same fear. And whoever has the same fear has the same smell.

Animal species distinguish themselves by sense of smell.

Whoever loses their sense of smell loses their family.

A priest (Spanish) says that many people do not understand these restrictions on funerals, but some do.

Funerals have become dangerous for the living.

I recommend Tanizaki, in praise of shadows.

‘Lockdown in Ireland extended to May 5th’, what may be ‘an inconvenience for some will be life saving for others’.

The minor nuisance for one, the death of the other.

We have never been so apart.

I’m sorry about the nuisance, but I would rather remain alive.

Each person, an enemy.

Somebody phones me and says they have gone out after three weeks.

And they also say their legs are shaking.

The homeless man on the street is still there and he is certain nothing’s going to get him.

I’ve already gone hungry, he says.

And really, he looks the same.

The president of the European Commission said yesterday that older people might have to stay home until the end of the year.

They are talking about three vaccines and about the impossibility of a vaccine.

We ought to stop and look at that doctor Christ in Rio de Janeiro.

The whole century, as if it were a person, sitting mouth agape looking at Christ dressed as if the city below him were a hospital.

The century with its mouth agape.

I imagine, suddenly, in each church this Easter, many believers doing the same.

A heresy in other times no doubt, but not now.

Dressing Christ as a doctor.

The crosses, millions of crosses everywhere, with Christ dressed as a doctor.

The way some children used to dress dolls.

Overalls and a stethoscope.

I breathe and think: how much time has passed in so little time.

In a month a thousand years or more.

So much time in such a small month.

If a new Christ comes let him be a doctor, they’re asking these days.

They’re asking for a medicine or a vaccine.

We cannot bear to stay home any longer.

 

 

20 April

Our Lady of the Windows, yes.

Everyone waiting for that empty space to get even emptier.

Emptied of the thing that sparks fear.

Louis Vuitton masks, 199 dollars.

In a yellowish case, really elegant.

And inside, a bag, the same name: Louis Vuitton.

It seems to advertise a jewel, but it is a brown mask, size S.

Size S for small or for Scared?

Imagining size S.

The size of being Scared.

May Our Lady of the Windows allow us out, some people are praying without moving their lips.

Just using their eyes.

‘Crooked go great men and rivers,

Crooked, but to their destination’.

Nietzsche went crazy and banged his head against the wall to see if it would make him better.

That isn’t biographical, it’s made up.

Imagine you’re smashing through walls with your head so you can finally see your neighbour.

The S on clothing has stopped meaning Small and started being Scared.

Clothes in size Scared.

‘that is their best courage,

they are not scared of the crooked paths.’

Not being scared of crooked paths.

Aníbal Ruão, 93.

He has been to the hospital several times lately: a fall and urinary infections.

On one of those visits they detected Covid-19.

He spent fifteen days in hospital.

He survived, he came back.

When he got back home, his neighbours were on their balconies.

There was applause to welcome him home.

Is it possible by the crooked path to arrive at your destination? Yes.

Can you walk in a straight line to the wrong place? Sure.

Aesthetic applause and applause for somebody who survives.

I think about the clapping at the theatre.

I applaud because it’s beautiful, I applaud because it’s powerful, I applaud because it made me think, I applaud because you survived.

Masks that are silver- and gold-plated too.

Masks with precious stones; the price of a car.

A handwritten piece of card saying: I am thankful for fresh air, for fresh ideas.

A movement: people being thankful.

A woman with a card in front of her legs. I am thankful for my vagina.

A man in a cowboy hat, bare-chested, tattoos everywhere.

He’s holding a card saying: I’m thankful for the free porn on the internet.

A sign around the neck of a dog with three balls in front of him.

The sign says: I am thankful for having three balls to play with.

A young Asian man: I am thankful for all the sick people still being alive in Vietnam.

I see that the white of the wall is still white.

A daily task, when it rains: check that the water doesn’t erase the white.

‘Authorities in the Big Apple have released more than 1,400 detainees since the beginning of March’.

In a province in Ecuador, hundreds of deaths have been recorded in the first two weeks of April.

Yesterday, concert: each musician in their home.

Mick Jagger sings: ‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’.

A good synthesis.

Another possible synthesis: you are alive, sometimes you get what you want.

The Rolling Stones drummer, Charlie Watts, is at home without a drum kit.

He plays with drumsticks on suitcases he has in front of him.

And on the sofa.

‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’.

Close to a hospital in São Paulo there are ambulance sirens.

And also the honking of cars that aren’t letting the ambulances past.

The sick are stopped, waiting, in the middle of this political traffic.

Horns and sirens competing to occupy the centre of the air.

You can’t always get what you want, darling.

In the United States images of a homeless man in a car park.

The pictures are lying on top of numbers and letters.

Mick Jagger yells – and Charlie Watts, who’s an old man now, looks like a lunatic using his luggage as a drum kit.

How can you clap for someone who isn’t a survivor?

It rains a lot and then it stops. Intermittent rain and some light.

They asked him why he still wrote in Yiddish.

Everybody who could read in that language had been killed in the death camps.

Isaac Bashevis Singer replied that he was writing for their shades.

Tatatatatatatatatatatata.

The noise of what in the middle of the tedium?

Something has split in the neighbour’s world.

I look outside: trees, earth, white wall and shapeless stone; many shadows and two dogs.

 

 

28 April

We must applaud animals, yesterday’s diary.

Public and private thanks.

They have been brave.

I applaud my animals and they look at me: what does this idiot want?

Boris Johnson interrupted his meeting with the Chancellor of the Exchequer for a minute’s silence.

Interrupting the economy with a minute’s silence.

A ritual that could be repeated in the middle of every day.

In the middle of the economy: a minute’s silence.

‘Coronavirus-related syndrome detected in children’.

And a number of doctors, nurses and support staff dead.

Ten per cent of those they were trying to save, suddenly kaput: virus, symptom, fever – sometimes quickly a possible goodbye and death.

In Mexico, some doctors and nurses are being insulted.

They are having water poured over them to clean them.

A doctor is seen as a sick person.

The sickness overtakes the sick person, the doctor, the medical instruments, the hospital, the neighbourhood, the city and the country.

And your head.

The status of observer disappears.

Sick person or potential sick person. There is no third option.

Clapping, silence, and buckets of water.

There’s no space for the living or for the dead, said the mayor of the city of Guayaquil, Cynthia Viteri, some days ago.

She was referring to the city’s hospitals and cemeteries.

The city is opening up two new spaces to take in those who are no longer walking or breathing.

I carry a bucket of water and the weight of the water fascinates me.

It’s not lead, or stone or sand.

It seems a benign weight; a weight that is kind-hearted.

But physics have no ethical contortions, no compassion walking on tip-toed so as not to wake the righteous from their sleep.

Weight is weight, but I like it when the weight swings.

‘New Wuhan study has identified virus in air particles’.

But no conclusions as to whether the air can cause infections.

In Spain, kids are on the street, authorised by decree to leave their homes.

It’s like they’re seeing the wind for the first time.

It stops being an airy invisible thing and is met with celebration.

Number of dead in Africa rises and there is talk of a possible ‘baby boom’.

An old monarchy is installed in times of emergency.

The first minister becomes temporary king of a kingdom that doesn’t exist.

In Spain, children discover skateboarding – and all the speed and disequilibrium are met by feet that have been still for too long.

The police move forward on horseback, wearing masks, in some Italian cities.

There are villages with no people and with nobody on the streets, but even before the plague they had no people and nobody on the streets.

‘Without a vaccine, it will be “exceedingly difficult” to hold the Olympic Games in 2021.’

British Airways expect to make more than ten-thousand jobs redundant.

In person classes in Spain not till September.

All across the world, this. Top to bottom.

Many refuse to wear a mask and people give them sidelong looks.

Many wear masks and people give them sidelong looks.

The sidelong look at another human being has stormed into the century, and it won’t be leaving anytime soon.

A new species of human who looks sidelong more than they look straight ahead.

‘Gatherings of more than ten people banned in France.’

Before, when cars stopped at the traffic lights, there would be people selling sweets and water on the streets of Latin America.

Now they sell masks at the traffic lights, but in some places the lights have turned green and no cars are moving.

And business cannot be good like this.

 

Image © Hom26

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